I feel like I haven’t done this in forever. It’s weird, but it almost feels relaxing to write to the blog again; almost like an old friend. For the past couple of weeks, we have both been very consumed by our individual lives for a multitude of reasons. It just amazes me how well we work together. Even though we have so much going on right now independent of each other, we still find ways to show we care. Something as simple as a quick reply while you’re playing trivia, or being so quiet when you came to bed last night so you wouldn’t wake me up. I notice all the ways you show me you care. Sometimes I forget to let you know that, especially when school and family and life get a little more hectic.

You know I have a “audio/photographic memory”, and all though it can be a curse, in some cases it’s a blessing. I have been giving a lot of thought to you saying that actions show you care more than words. I got defensive at the time because I couldn’t see why you would say that; you know I’m an auditory person, which actually is ridiculous since I have trouble hearing. To be honest, it really doesn’t matter if you remember the conversation.

Anyways, I realized that in all the time I spent waiting for you to say ‘i love you,’ you had done so many things that showed me you did in a way that words never could. It’s the little things that matter in life. Even something that seems like a small step or a precursor actually means so much.

To begin with, I really struggled with us moving in together, not because I doubted that it was the right thing for us, but because I knew that my family would never approve. I knew they would at least cut me off financially. It turns out that what I thought I knew, was completely incorrect. Although I knew that I would make the decision to move in regardless of how they felt, I did not expect something this important to me to work so well. I know I tend to be a ‘Debbie downer’. That’s just another one of those things I work on!

I thought what I wanted was an engagement, and I pressured you in ways I never should. I don’t look at us moving in together as a “trial period.” I look at it as just the next step forward in our wonderful relationship. I am happy that you did not give in to me. It would have been for the wrong reasons. I’m not saying I don’t want that. I’m just saying that I want it to be on our schedule, not on anyone else’s, and I want it to be because it is what we want and has nothing to do with appeasing anyone. Thank you for making me slow down and take a look. That’s what you seem to do for me. You ground me.

After finally stopping the constant thoughts about us moving in, I can say that I am looking forward to making this next step with you. I love you so much. I hope I show you that just as often as I tell you. If I don’t, please let me know. I want us to be able to openly communicate when we are feeling unappreciated. Things should never have to get out of control because we bottled things up. I know that I can block sometimes, but I will always open up to you when the time is right. I know myself well enough to know if I haven’t thought about it yet, I shouldn’t say it. I have a tendency to let my emotions get ahead of my thinking, and that is how I keep it in check. I always tell you what’s on my mind, maybe just not in the moment. Sometimes it has to do with where we are and it not being appropriate. I guess I just want you to know that I don’t do it to keep you out. I do it so I can collect my thoughts, and then let you in once I am not upset anymore. I hope you understand that. I can work on processing faster if you would prefer more immediate conversation. I’m open to compromise hehehe

Well, I’m sure by now you are pulling that lovely auburn hair out screaming WHY DID YOU WRITE SO MUCH! I have a great visual right now! I love you baby, and I just want you to know that. By the way, it’s getting closer to camping season so we should start checking out some cool places and decide if we want to go as a twosome or if we want to invite other couples and such. Anyways, have a good night or a good day, depending on when you read this!

~Sugar Pie

I have spent most of the day upset and crying because I honestly don’t know where to go from here. This doesn’t usually happen to me. I always have a plan. Now I don’t. I am trying to relax and take this one day at a time, but that is a lot harder to do than it should be. I’ve never been very good at it to begin with, but I’m trying. Part of the reason I can even think rationally enough to figure out where to go from here is because I have you. I love you so much. Thank you for being there for me today and every other day. You mean so much to me. I know I can get through this. Having you by my side will make it so much easier. Thank you so much.

I haven’t blogged in a while, but I had a very eventful day. I guess I should try to get some sleep so I can be well rested. I’m going to control the things I can’t and try to stop worrying about the things I can’t. Sometimes bad things happen, but that doesn’t mean I have to give up. Tomorrow is another day, perhaps even a better one. I love you so much. Good luck tomorrow!

I haven’t done this in so long, but I have had so much on my mind lately, and I think this is the best way to get it all out. Let me begin by saying that I love you more than anything. I am so stressed right now. Assignments are coming due in all of my classes at what feels like the exact same time. There is some space in between but it just doesn’t feel like it. That’s not most of it, though. I am very worried about UGA. I want to get in so badly for so many reasons. It would save me so much money. I would get the degree I have always wanted. I would get to be closer to you. Part of me thinks I can get in, but the other part of me thinks it is such a long shot that I shouldn’t even bother planning for a move.

If I do get in and move to Athens, though, I will have to have a roommate. I can’t afford to live alone anymore. As it stands now, the only true option that I have as far as roommates go is (S). I don’t know if I can handle living with her alone. We may be best friends, but I can only handle her in small doses. What I would love to happen most likely won’t for a variety of reasons, most importantly parents. I don’t even know how you really feel about living together. I don’t really know how to bring it up either. I don’t want you to think that I would try to push you into something you aren’t comfortable with. I just need to know my options.

I know that I have been very difficulty lately. It’s not your fault. It is mine. I have been very on edge, and I have been trying not to snap at you. Sometimes I’m not successful. Actually I’m not successful most of the time come to think of it. I’m so sorry. I don’t want to fight. I love you and I love being with you. I don’t want to lose you because I can’t stop being a bitch.

Last night, I realized that you said several times that you didn’t think I wanted you to touch me. That isn’t true, baby. I love you and I love when you touch me. It makes me feel content whenever you are near me. I don’t want you to think that I don’t enjoy being with you in the more physical sense, either. I do, more than anything. You know how to make me happy in every way. I hope I do the same for you. I will try to work on snapping whenever you graze my sides. I know you aren’t always trying to tickle me. Please be patient while I work on it, though. Please don’t be angry with me. I feel like you have been very frustrated with me lately. I know it’s probably my fault, and I’m sorry. I love you so much baby.

I know that you aren’t much of one for blogging anymore, not that you were ever too terribly into it like I was. I would really appreciate it if we could either discuss these things calmly or if you could write back. Whatever is most comfortable with you is fine with me. I love you so much baby. Please never forget that.

All my love,
~Sugar Pie

Enough about that, though. I have loved spending time with you. I know I can be a little much to handle for that long and that often, but I have loved every second of it. I’m not trying to get too musy or lovey dovey on you. I know you can’t stand it when I do that. I just thought you should know that it feels right. Please don’t read too much into that statement and start wigging on out me. HAHAHA I know how sensitive you can be about any mentioning of the status/future status of this relationship. I’m not trying to give you a coronary. You’re much more fun ALIVE!

Well, I have my second day of practicum tomorrow. It should be pretty boring, just like the last day. One thing is for sure, though. It is going to LONG! I’m going to come on back to Athens tomorrow evening. I will probably wait until around 6 or 7 to leave so that I don’t have to deal with any traffic, or at least with less traffic. I love you so much sweet pea and I am so happy that I am with you. Thank you for being there for me and loving me for who I am. It means the world to me. Oh and by the way, congrats on your first day at UGA! It sounds like you may have finally found where you were meant to be! I love you sweet pea!

All my love,
Sugar Pie

It has been a long time since I blogged, but for some reason I was feeling a bit bloggy today. I know you are probably very tired of hearing about it, but I am so excited about my bike! I’m even excited about the tumble I took. That probably sounds really stupid. I will most likely have a double bike trunk rack Friday which will be awesome! (L) and I are supposed to go check it out tomorrow and then grab some lunch or dinner, whichever the case may be.

I am so happy that you are close again. I hope you don’t think we are spending too much time together. That’s the main reason why I didn’t come back this afternoon. I know you like your space and I’m trying to make sure you get enough of it. About the party Friday, I dunno if I really wanna go if (W) can’t go. Ron will be very drunk and he has a tendency to hit on me unless you and (W) corral him. Please don’t take that the wrong way. He is a good guy and fun to hang out with but I know you have noticed it too. Either way, though, we can definitely go out no matter what if that’s what you want to do.

How do you feel about the new neighbors? I would really like your opinion. We never really talked about it. Speaking of which, it’s great that you and (D) were able to get back in your apartment! That would have sucked if you had had to pay the lock-out fee.

Anyways, it is great to have you nearby and your apartment is freaking amazing! I love you so much baby and I am so glad that we can see each other again. I hope your classes are getting off to a great start and I will talk to later and see you Friday. I love you Sweet Pea!

All my love…
~Sugar Pie

Every few days you come up with some way that I am being dependent. I am not now nor have I ever been nor will I ever be dependent unless my very life depends on it. In that case I guess I would grudgingly be dependent. To me, love and dependence can not go together. If you can’t appreciate someone for their differences and who they are as an individual, you can never love them. Both people must be able to differentiate themselves or there can not be love. Saying that either one of us is dependent makes no sense. We are both pursuing different areas of study, at different universities, in different cities, and up until recently, in very different states. We have both supported ourselves without help from the other and we have both continued on with our day-to-day lives without the other one present for whatever reason. How can that seem like dependence? Our differences are what make us wonderful as humans, and ultimately as a couple.

We need to recognize the differences and embrace them. We have no differences that are so great or so opposite of each other that we can’t be happy together or value each other’s feelings and opinions. BOTH of us need to be understanding of each others feelings. Whether or not we agree is no excuse to demean the other one or raise our voices. We should always try to listen and understand rather than acting irrationally. It hurts and it needs to stop. I know I am very frustrating but I don’t mean to be. Sometimes it doesn’t take much at all. I know you are stressed right now because you have a lot you need to accomplish in the next week, but please pay attention to the things you say and how you say them. I feel like you are just so irritated with me that you can barely stand it. I love you and I don’t want to be a source of frustration. I hope you have had fun at (D) and (K)’s. I’m sure you did.

I know I don’t say this enough, but thank you. What I mean is thank you for sticking by me through the bad times as well as the good times. I know that i can be very difficult sometimes, and even though I think I have come a long way, I know that I can still be a very difficult person to be with. I’m sorry that I am not more comfortable using my words to express how I am feeling and what I am experiencing. It’s kind of funny if you think about it, though. I’m very good at helping others label their feelings and express themselves, but I can’t turn that ability inward and apply it to myself. I have always been much more comfortable expressing myself in a written form. Part of that has to do with not trusting myself to really say what I mean in a way that conveys my feelings rather than something else. Perhaps it’s more of a self-monitoring problem. I think I may self-monitor too much. Oh well, just something else I can work on.

I admire your ability to be so patient with me. I’m worried that you are becoming less patient, though. I know I get on your nerves and for that I am very sorry. When I point out that you’re being frustrated, I think that makes you more frustrated, but that’s definitely not my intention. If you would rather I not point it out, please let me know. Perhaps we should do what we did when you were in Hawaii…if we feel ourselves getting frustrated then we tell the other we need to go and calm down and then call back. That worked and when we did that, we didn’t get so angry with each other. I don’t want you to feel like I am unhappy or complaining about our relationship because I’m not. We have had such a good day for the past two days and I really want that to continue. I think this could help! Let me know if you agree with me.

Good luck in your presentation tonight baby! I’m sure you’ll do great! Well, by the time you read this you’ll probably have already finished it. I guess what I should say is congrats on doing so well on your last presentation of your first year of grad school. I know you don’t really get to take a break, but you must at least feel a little bit proud of yourself for finishing your first year. I don’t want to sound condescending, but I’m proud of you. Not many people can say they have accomplished that. Well baby, I don’t want to make you read a book so I guess I will stop. I love you so much baby. You mean the world to me and even though I don’t say this nearly enough, I appreciate you and all that you do for me. You truly make me happy and I am so glad we are together.

All my love…

~Sugar Pie

Here is an article that makes my blood boil. Why the cops are above the laws of animal cruelty ill have no idea.

Well, this is the first blog from PAP aka Poison Apple Pie! I was surprised at how easy it was to get accustomed to maneuvering around my new MacBook Pro. It is awesome! I guess I really am cool enough for a Mac. If not, the cool police will come take it away from me while I sleep tonight…I will be sad if they do. The office put a note on everyone’s door today saying that there has been a string of break-ins in the Sandy Springs area. It was worded to make it sound really scary. I didn’t like it.

I was very happy to hear that you may be joining in the lovely ATL next week. That will be very nice end to my first week of summer classes. This is the first time I have ever taken summer classes and to be honest, I’m not really sure I like it too much! Oh well. There’s nothing I can do about it so I just have to suck it up and deal with it. I know I really shouldn’t be complaining given the fact that you have a school heavy summer. Hey, I’m not enrolled in two schools though, so blah. I can complain if I wanna! I know you will be able to handle it baby. I have complete faith in you.

I feel like today was a much better day in our relationship. We haven’t fought, and I can’t tell you how happy I am. I hope that this can continue. I really think that once you get settled into your own place and we can see each other with more frequency and without immense planning required that we will see a great improvement in that area. I know you must be stressed right now with school (both of them), trying to figure out housing for next semester, and just having to live with your parents. I commend you for that, by the way. I love my mom very much and we get along VERY WELL, but I couldn’t move back in to my parents house.

I feel that I need to be perfectly honest with you. My desires for you to move out are very selfish. It’s not so much that you live in Mississippi as it is that it virtually requires an act of God for me to be able to stay at your parent’s house. This week, there is technically no reason why I couldn’t come out there. I could monetarily afford it and I definitely had the time. I just knew that the hassle was not worth it because of the short notice. There was too high of a chance of being told I was not allowed to be there. Given what happened the last time I was there, I’m not even sure an act of God could get me in. In all honesty, that’s kind of funny because we just slept in a hammock. (D) and his girlfriend sleep in the same bed every night she is there, but I’m the whore who doesn’t know the rules…Oh well. If I’m never going to be accepted then there’s no point in whining about it I guess.

For dinner tonight, I’m going to cook Stroganoff. It’s going to be yummy! I would share with you if you were here, but since you’re not, I’m probably going to be a fat ass and eat it all. I promise I won’t literally get fat…I’ll starve myself before I let that happen! : ) I know that I am pretty much rambling, but I wanted an excuse to use my computer, so I blogged…a long one…HEHEHE. I love you so much baby and I hope that everything continues to work out in your favor with regard to school/housing arrangements. I can’t wait until I get to talk to you again! I love you Sweet Pea.

Always and Forever…

~Sugar Pie